Monday, October 8, 2012

The new Company Policies!

Here I is: "Mr. Anil XYZ Malli" (67, Male, Tall, Dark and Handsome), Started his career as a trainee in the organization, 46 years back and now retiring as Senior Manager (taking home 25 lakes a year).

How Did it Started:
As I being the best employee entire career in the company, the Directors of the company called me to the Board of Director's meeting. Just to thank, whatever I have done for the company.

But before they said anything, I have put one proposal in front of them.

Give me some money and I will achieve all the targets of your next year, in next 6 months

What do you want from us? A sound came out of the Board.

I replied, One meeting where all your employees will be present, Except the board of directors, but they should be present the building where the meeting will occur.

The Meeting Day
I was standing in front of many employees , around table making a big circle, including the Sales and Development Team. (For the first time, my legs were shivering and my first voice came with hization [what I am going to do, is that right?] "Go...od mor..ning". I have never presented anything in-front)

Then I started, with: As you all know, This is my last day in the company, but I have taken some loan-money from the company and I am distributing this money among you people. This is my personal check-book, and I threw my check-book on the table. I have written name of all of you on these check, and some with the pictures also.

I picked up the check book and rolled it up (so individual check leaf can stand on the table). But I will give you this money, if you ....

The line that seperates
I tore one of the leaf from check-book and it had the name and his picture of Sales Team Head, I placed it on the table. Similarly I did for other 4 Sales person, with 1 lkh each. I drew a line on the table, and said, they will never interfere in any technology.

Then I made line of 5 Project Managers with 3 check each (as each was handling 3 projects in minimum), 50K each.

Then the line for 3 TLs (as each Project Manager has minimum 3 TLs under each), 33.333K each (Somehow make it 1lk).

And the last line for the 5 Developers (as each TL has 5 developers minimum in each project), 15K each.

Every-time you finish 1 project, you will be moved to a level up.

Then on the top, I made another line and I took 5 checks with pics of Board of Directors (Each have 5 Sales Head under them) and placed each, with amount 2 lks each.

Now the questions are:
1. How many Employees were there in the company?
2. How much money I have spent? What will be my profit, If I am earning 3 times what I am distributing?

Friday, October 5, 2012

I always wanted to be God :)

God. Does, when you need?
When you think?
When you don't expect?
When, was not needed? (I could have done it on my own)
Why they call me lucky? (He is with everybody, not only my friend. But was ... with the people, on the belief, when you ask ...)

I want to be God:

Be there when you least expected!
When you needed the most #@#$%&;
For, To, Be, One, Always, There, For ............. YOU

I have to call and expect you to say "LETS' MEET OVER WEEKEND", and I was the one always got busy, or something.
Think twice, because I have to pay from my pocket. I think twice to spend on me. I never thought, when it was you.

Forgot .... Forgot .....

Need something, which writes everything I think. And erase Which I don't want.

Can Computers be like that?

Was she really behind me?

I left my friends in anger. And just walked around the road. Dono when Road ended and I was in middle of the jungle.

And felt my friends are coming behind to take me back. I was able to hear the footsteps. They were walking with me.

Then I thought I am in noware, even if they search me they will go to Bus Stand, Railway Station or Air Port, why they will come this side of Jungle.

I read an News in the News Paper (generally I don't read news paper, but today morning there was nothing else to do) that a tigress has ran away from zoo.

Could it be her. She will be not be hungry, as she definitely has hunted something since yesterday and she will be full (this I saw on NGV, tigers eat once in 3 days).

So why is she walking behind me, if I turn around she will be scared. And either she will attack me or run away.

Secure for me, if some guy tries to rob me, she will attack her.

So we were walking.

Then I realized, I never saw it. So I tested her. I stopped, she did it too. I took my 1 leg in air and tested is she also get miss-balanced. She did.

Then Heard some roaring of some tigers, fighting over food. I started walking towards them, I dono why.

When I reached there, I saw 4 tigers. And they stepped back. And after that I found a bus on the road.

While in the bus, I saw those 4 tigers and a tigress, who is looking at me with 1 eye (and all other are looking at sky).......

Friday, September 28, 2012

I am changing my status #@#$%

I have just joined this organization, I even don't know who is the owner of this.

I got my stuff, like: notebook and other stationary .... AND ... my usernames and passwords for those, one of which was chat box.

I logged in, and there are 1000s of friends added, with various categories, we are not suppose to chat to people above red line.

I saw this blank place, and I put my blogs' link in it.

Two minutes. The CEO/Owner of the company pinged me.

Good morning! Welcome to the family.
Please don't keep such status, COLLEGE DAYS ARE OVER.

And he logged off :?

Three days, Biggest B is calling you :)
And I got the post of GM and got married to his daughter.

Like alwasy she was, full of attitude.

They broke up long back.
Boy got all pics of that time.
he puts on social networking site, and tag everybody else except her.
Every body asked, why not tagged her.
She is not a friend.
One of the girl added her as her friend's picture.
and we all meet ...

And there is she with the same attitude.

What was that song!

To concentrate at work generally I listen to a single song repeatedly. And I never remember which song I am listening to.

But I remember this Japanesees song which by mistake I was listening. My boss tapped on my shoulder, "I am calling you from past 10 minutes, where are you, what are you doing at work time. There is so much of work and what you doing, show me what are you doing, Oooooooooo listing songs. Which song!"

He took my headsets, put it on. Tried to remove his headset then continues listening and scratched his beard. Song ended, and started again, he still did not removed the headset. He listened the song for 30 minutes. Then took headsets off, and instead of giving it in my hand, he dropped on desk. And very politely "Please Work".

Two weeks after, he call me in his cabin and said "Tokyo Japan, Monday 5:30".

Sir But I dono, Japanese?
But that day you were listening to songs.
Even you heard it for 30 minutes, why don't you go.
What was that song!
I don't know?
What do you mean you don't know
It was just a random I exchanged with the local driver in Nepal.
We have invested and expected a lot from you now, there is no other option.
I will Resign.
You will not, you love challenges I know you know what is expected.

Now its 5 years I am stuck here.
I lost that phone and the song, I still think What was that song!

My Sister will not find this interesting, but she will be smiling. He wrote the entire page and he made no spelling mistakes.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Boys Vs. Girls

A guy found new girl online ....

Boy wrote on the girl's wall: How is everything?
Girl: Everything is fine here. How is everything on your side?
Boy: as usual ............. I don't care ;) .........
Girl: That was not funny .... you got attitude!

.... I know longitudes and latitudes what is attitude

God's Vs. My Humor!

My First wish to God:
I was in Class 9th, fallen in love a girl dead opposite to my study room. So deep in love with her that I can do anything to see her entire day.

So I wished God, "God, please do something and let me see her entire day".
 I got failed in my final exams, am dad grounded me: "You will not go outside the house, you will sit in your study room and study entire day". And the girl got some disease, and doctor suggested to her to sit in the sunlight for some days. And for the entire month, she was on the roof of her house and I was watching her from my room.

My Second Wish to God:
I was in Class 12th, and fallen in love again (:D Teenage), she was my classmate. And I was behind her every-day and entire-day. Year passed away, and I was with her only. Final Exams dates were announced and I did not study, and you know when you don't study "you pray God", so I did: "God, please do anything and let me pass these exams this year"

And I passed, with all subjects 35, 35, 35, 35, 35 and 35 (in mid 90s that was the passing percentage).

From that day I decided, Not to ask anything from god. So I do it myself. An I built my nature like his's.

My First Grant:
There was this file which has made everybody's life in the team miserable for a long time,  then I worked (:D for the first time) the same evening a sat and ... and finished it ;)
Next day went office early (as usual to show off :P ). SCOOPs........ my boss already in office. He came to me, and made his wish: You will go home only if this is done.

 I opened my laptop, composed a mail, attached the file, sent, shut down my laptop and left the office

My Second Grant:
Like every-time, the team messed up with the project (Why should I take the entire blame on me).
My Ex-boss made his last wish (:D not like that, being my boss he made his last wish). "Finish this".

I deleted all. (And I had to resign :) )

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I dont' know that why I have that attitude....

But I know where it comes from

No charges, if it happened unknowingly .........

No charges, if it happened unknowingly .........

I see me in you.

A man comes home and shouts "I am First". Looks here and there ... and slowly says "I am first".

He sits on a chair smiles and says I am really first home today ....

Phone bells, he picks the call and run towards the door ...

While he is driving he thinks about his father, how his father played with him, and how he plays the same way with his son ...

I see me in you and me as my father: I see myself in my son playing with is father with confidence and I being my father a very responsibly person looking around that his son never gets hurt.

I Saw him

A man standing middle of the road, raising his hands till his shoulder....
People take him to the hospital.....
next morning he wakes-up and he don't remember anything....
he sleeps again ...
and thinks what he saw .....

He saw a face in the cloud ..... a horror face........

I was your best buddy!

You never did hit me for anything, I am your best buddy till date.

But today just my nail touched the kid, I have bitten you many times, when I was angry, we were playing and just like that ....

And I know your are going to beat me like anything ... like a dog.

So I am leaving. The takes off his collar and walks out.

Introducing new God!

How you define god?
Any power which you cannot define, but its always around you and you always feel it that: is god.

Today I will introduce you to the most valuable god to the modern world:
Like any other god his powers cannot be defined but its always around it, you cannot skip it specially in this modern world.

Like other gods his powers are unseen: The Traffic God.

Who was smatter?


A very long time ago......

A man in a jungle was cutting a tree branch.....

Another man passing by looks at him and says you will fall....

After few strokes the branch breaks and the man falls down on the ground.......

The man comes running to him, lookes at his feet and tells.....

That makes my work more faster, and easier....

because of my wait the branch brook

not because of my axe ....

now I can go for ...